he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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