I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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