get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
