It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
