you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
whose parrot is this?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
