It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
