just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
