My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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