my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
