I got chris browned last night
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
