Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
