Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
