if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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