fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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