I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
