That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
