apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
MIDGETS
????
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
