i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
