My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
