New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
