so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
