Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
