I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
