They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
