All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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