Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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