We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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