tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
should my penis look like a turkey
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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