i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
