I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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