I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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