You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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