Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize