I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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