when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
