Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize