I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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