she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
