her facebook's as public as her vagina
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize