"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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