but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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