i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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