The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
