Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
