so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
