Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was not drunk enough for that final.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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