so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
