I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
