No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
