Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
