I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if only i could text you this smell
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
what day is it and did you see me today?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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