he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize