Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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