I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have fence marks all over my body
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
