it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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