fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
