Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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