i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
