What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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