no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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