party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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