3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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