I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
