is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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