Kiss
Puke
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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