I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
