Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Randomize
