What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
