This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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