Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
