I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
