I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
