Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Semen is not good for contacts.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
