My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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