bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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