Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
