You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
