I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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