it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
