My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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