I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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