I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize