I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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