shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
