you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
