Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
