Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
