I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
