Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
