i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
