Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
And then he peed in my hair
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