Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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