Banned from zoo.
Again?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
