Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
