Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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