I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
