I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
