sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
