just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she told me i tasted like america
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
