Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Jerry, you need to find god
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
