So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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