I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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